Dark moods and what to do in certain situations?

***DISCLAIMER****

The first part of the post is a little darker than normal so you may want to skip ahead to the first picture if you don't want to read about darker thoughts. 

What do you think about when you have hours and hours of alone time? Do you think of your life? Do you like to think of world events? Do you second guess what you have done or not done in your life? Are your thoughts dark? No, I'm not depressed, just that I wonder what would have happened if I was never alive or what would happen if I was no longer here. Hours of driving in the darkness of night give me time to contemplate the meaning of life, my life. I usually arrive at the post office around 11:15 or so and after updating my logbook and other required paperwork I roll out onto the now familiar path South. The undulating road that soon turns into the mile after mile of multiple interstates that all seem the same. Small cities fill the night sky with the glow of halogen streetlights that fade away to the emptiness between them. My life is like the roads I travel each week. Voids or velvet darkness with glowing interruptions that invite you to pullover and rest. When I listen to music it inspires me to write music or lyrics about either the pain or happiness in my life. The music is from such a wide array or artist but the theme is so similar. Feeling like you could be more or give more of yourself to make the ones around you happy. The pain is from those who took from me and forever changed my life. The wake of the pain and happiness is like what I see when I follow another truck in the rain. The billowing droplets in a cloud as the buffeting wind rocks my truck. It's hard to see what is ahead of me but I know that looking behind me is the same. As I separate myself from the other vehicle my view becomes clear and the road is easier to navigate. Sometimes the truck in front of me stays longer than I wish and I need to change my course to free myself from the mess that is in front of me.
Here is a picture of me in the mobile office/think tank.

Where is Emily post when it comes to how to handle certain situations or questions.

• What if you had a family member who is diagnosed with cancer and you think they aren't doing what you think is the best action? This person has taken the lets just wait and see if it gets worse plan. I have had close family members pass and some have survived but I think taking the lazy don't care or not really doing the most action is just wrong but that is just me. 

• What do you call someone you only have an internet connection with and who you know more than you would if you sat with them in a weekly stitch and bitch?  I think we are friends but are we really? We don't ask each other for a ride to the airport when all else fails like good friends can do. Many of you may have formed a relationship with people if you ever wrote a blog and you would comment and have off the blog conversations too. Do you have a friend hierarchy? Does it also include past co-workers and people you used to live near or people you went to school with who recently found you on Facebook?
  
  
• What do you say when someone confides in you and says they are getting a divorce? Congratulations?  I'm sorry your bad marriage didn't last? I wish it could have been better? I'm sorry for your situation? In all seriousness, My heart goes out to the person and I hope you feel better and your situation gets better soon. 
• What do you say to a person who is pregnant and you don't really know them but they are friends of friends? I love kids but not all of them. Not the ones who are in the restaurant I'm eating at that I avoid sitting next to but as soon as I do another family arrives after I sit down only to plop down at the next table and make it hard to enjoy my meal...  Don't get me wrong, I don't get angry at the kids but the lack of development given to them by the parents so they can act appropriately in a public place.

I thought I would show a couple pictures taken recently. Between Christmas and New Years, Susan and I went to Chicago for an overnight photoshoot that she wanted to do for a long time. I took advantage of the location and took in a show at  Buddy   Guy's  blues club. This was the night before New Years eve so we didn't expect head line acts but the musician was good and at the end of the first set  Buddy   Guy came on stage and sang a song.

After Buddy gave us an unexpected song he was available for autographs and pictures.

For 76 years old he was pretty sharp.

The next pic is of the truck next to me while I was waiting to get loaded in Memphis Tenn. Notice the icicles hanging from the sun visor. It was 33 deg F and later in the day I drove back north through Arkansas in a severe ice storm. I've learned a lot about driving in the last few months and driving in an ice storm was new. The road was like an ice skating rink. Step on the gas, the drive wheels spin, step on the brakes and all the wheels slide. Turn the steering wheel and you may turn or you may just keep going straight. I drove the whole state, 87 miles at 20 mph or less. The carnage of cars and semi trucks in the ditch was more than the blizzard last month in Northern Iowa. By the time I made it to Missouri, the road crews had the plows out and sand/salt making the roads somewhat drivable.

   Am I knitting? Not as much as I wish but I am going to try the Elizabeth Zimmerman Baby Surprise Jacket again. I stopped knitting it multiple times because the instructions are just beyond comprehension for me. They just didn't make sense to me. Susan proposed that I try it again and I suggested we do a two person knit along. She has knit many little BSJs and offered to walk me through the process. Sooooo, I'm going to restart this little baby jacket in the near future.

Life is Good